by Aldon Loeppky

Often we have suicidal people show up in our chat rooms. While we don’t know which situation is a hoax and which is real, we have to treat all situations as real. Sometimes the nickname of the person raises questions, but whenever someone comes in and uses the language of suicide, we need to take it very seriously.

Why people may threaten suicide

· Usually, people who are determined to commit suicide and actually go through with it never tell anyone what they are thinking about.

· Seldom do people who say they feel like they want to commit suicide actually go through with it. But they could; that is why we do take it seriously when they say they want to do it.

· Most of the time, this is a “cry for help.” They feel very depressed about life…unloved…like no one cares. They are reaching out to ask for someone to say, “I love you, you matter, someone cares if you live or die.”

· Occasionally, when people talk about taking their life, they are using it as “leverage, “a “ploy,” or a “power play” to get something they want from someone else. I know of people who were caught in a sin and threatened that they might take their own life, simply so the punishment or discipline would not be as severe.

· Even some Christians are suicidal. When Christians slip badly into a sinful lifestyle, withdraw from fellowship in church and from Christian friends, it’s not unusual for them to feel severely depressed and alone. They commonly feel unworthy of being loved and that they cannot be “good enough” for God. For them, talking about suicide may be an attempt to reach out for help.

What you can do

Within the limitations of communicating over the Internet, we have our “hands tied” in many situations. So what can we do?

· First, switch to private chat to give individual attention

· Show love, listen, tell them that you care.

· Challenge them to take concrete steps to help themselves. Ask, “What can you change this week that will help you feel better?” A person only has control over him/herself and can only change themselves.

· Direct them to Christ as the answer.

· Offer to pray and type out your prayers.

· Urge them to get professional help in their area. This is an essential element of protocol in dealing with suicide threats.

· Refer them to the “At the end of your rope?” link in our chat rooms, where they can find contacts for local assistance, helpful articles and other information. http://www.christianwomentoday.com/chat/Suicidehelp.html

· Refer them to e-mail mentoring, where one of our on-line counselors can offer further assistance.

Care for the individual and the whole community

Threats of suicide can upset everyone involved in a moderated chat time, and seekers or new believers who come to learn and grow may be so disturbed as not to return. While we care about desperate, hurting people, we must also be careful to protect the whole chat room community. For that reason we recommend spending limited time with suicidal chatters and encouraging them to seek help from the suicide hotlines and information provided in the “End of your rope” link: http://www.christianwomentoday.com/chat/Suicidehelp.html

When relating to a suicidal person, always remember that there are other users that need attention in the room. Sometimes the silent ones are more at risk than the vocal ones.

Trust the Lord with the results

Believe in faith that you are making a difference in people’s lives! God is using you as show love and pray.

When you encounter a suicidal person, and afterwards look back on your interaction with him/her, don’t be burdened with trying to figure out the outcome. We cannot talk people out of taking their life if they are determined to do so. None of us can save them. We can, however, listen, pray and direct them to the source of hope in Christ. We can continue to pray for each suicidal person we know, as the Lord brings his/her situation to mind.

Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC, a counselor who volunteers with Women Today offers this guidance:

“Remember that you are not God, you are a helper God can use. Remind yourself that God has the power and the wisdom to help any broken person. He can give you wisdom. He desires to help needy people. You cannot fix the person you are helping. They are responsible to change and find help and hope in Christ. You are not responsible to rescue them. You are a mentor, a guide, a helper. You are there to minister and to serve.”

As you serve, remember 2 Corinthians 9:8: “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work” (NIV).

Further Reading

Protocol and Boundaries in Dealing With Suicide Threats Online
Steps for Helping the Wounded
Bringing Comfort to the Wounded